Who Am I?

For the past few months, I’ve had this thought bouncing around in my head: Who am I?

Today some women came over to take showers. At one point I looked around my living room, and a wave of hopelessness hit me. They seemed to be having nonsensical conversations with no one in particular. PTSD, paranoid schizophrenia, undiagnosed mental disorders. These women were saying words in English, but couldn’t connect them together to form cohesive sentences. Where is their way out of homelessness?

One of the women, who had bruises and scabs all over her body and who was clearly drunk when we picked her up, told me she was 8 months pregnant. And that she had been drinking every day. And that she already has two kids who were taken when they were born and put into the foster care system. Who am I that God would give me these burdens to help carry? And who am I that He would pick my house to send His heavenly royalty to (Matthew 20:16)?

Last night I walked in to the apartment and one of my roommates, who a few months ago didn’t even know who Jesus was, was encouraging another roommate, who a few months ago was homeless, in her walk with God. I’ve gotten to watch them GET IT. They have seen the cross, and they have reckoned themselves dead with Christ. It’s humbling and inspiring and beautiful to see that change happen in a person. Who am I that I get to witness so often that change taking place in the women who come through my home?

On Friday at Adorn the Spirit fell and we worshiped for what felt like hours, on our feet and on our faces. God clearly spoke and said it was time to take the next step of faith, to move to a bigger place. One that can fit more people, and one that I can’t afford. The next day I notified my landlord. Who am I that God cares so much about constantly building my faith, stretching me until I’m uncomfortable and squirming and relying only on Him?

After sleeping on the street for a short time, I came home and lay on my bed. I can’t even remember the last time I was grateful to have a bed. But that night, I was in tears over it. Who am I that God has seen fit to bless me with a bed? And BLANKETS?

Who am I that God would entrust me with so much?

Who am I that God thinks I can handle this?

Who am I that God would bless me with this crazy adventure of a life?

Who am I that the God of the universe would so relentlessly pursue me every day of my life?

And then, although it was somewhat of a rhetorical question, He gave me the answer.

Exodus 3:11-12- But Moses said to God, “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh, and that I should bring the children of Israel out of Egypt?”
So He said, “I will certainly be with you.”

Moses asked God the same thing: Who am I that you would choose me for this? And God, instead of saying ANYTHING about Moses, says simply, “I’ll be with you.”

It’s not about who I am, it’s about who He is. And that is more than enough.